the writings and musings of a high stone fem lesbian surviving the new century.
blog where I can quietly be emotionally raw about all my most vulnerable spots: my stone fem identity, the butch-fem dynamic, butch love and my personal lesbian history & experience.
| ofos | 37 | high stone fem | lesbian | sex worker | survivor | lover of butches | material feminist |
‘Why is your heart so soft?’
It has been trampled many a time.
— Noor Shirazie
in my writings I seek to process how my identity as a stone fem lesbian has been damaged and suppressed beneath the burden of varying traumas – sustained both through the generalised experience of misogyny and lesbophobia found in both heterosexual and ‘queer’ communities, and through my own personal experiences of abuse and violation. I want, in part, to unravel what has happened to me and how it has actively impacted my ability to live authentically.
as a stone fem, I also wanted to share this perspective, as it is one that is either blatantly misunderstood, or completely absent from the discourse. stone encompasses much more than how we have sex – it is a nuanced and complex way of experiencing gender, desire and sexuality as fem lesbians.
I am passionate about butch-fem community, identity, culture and history. I believe the blatant erotic energy of the butch-fem dynamic is a powerful expression of lesbian desire and is a central aspect of our identities.
I use the spelling ‘fem’ as a way of honouring history & the working-class roots of b-f culture that I share, and to indicate my passion for the traditional butch-fem dynamic, in which butch and fem are inextricable from each other.
additionally I want it to indicate that when spelled this way, fem is an explicitly lesbian experience.
I am not a radical feminist nor am I anti-trans. I stand by and for trans women.
however, I am also highly critical of the pressure cis people uncomfortable with gender non-conformity put on butches to transition. trans identity is real but we must also be aware of how internalised misogyny and lesbophobia play out in our communities and work to validate and affirm butch identity as unique from male.